TheBaseballStars

Whenever there is a top list of something, No. 5 is always a throwaway pick.

At TheBaseballStars, it is no different.

So why do a top 5 best baseball movie list? Isn’t it a gimmick, a cliché and why do we give a hell? Well sure it is, but is also something else. It’s therapy.

Look, you live in a household where there are three women and your only movie options are Barbie and the Dancing Princesses or some other melodramatic garbage of: Man meets woman.

Man and woman fall in love but are too stupid to realize it.

Man dies, woman cries and then we have to reflect on the precioussness of finding love.

Throw
Up
in
The
Mouth

These are the baseball movies that The Jon has used to survive. And we kick things off today with Mr. Baseball. A throwaway pick to be sure, but it revels in it’s early 1990s disco poppiness. Let’s get to business.

The Jon’s synopsis

Tom Selleck plays Jack Eliot-san. He can’t hit a fastball and gets laid a lot. He’s old and has an obnoxious 1990s agent complete with a bulbous nose and the in-fashion man’s ponytail that tells Eliotsan he sucks and stuff.

Then Frank Thomas joins Eliotsan’s team, The Yankees. Frank Thomas starts hitting homers in batting practice which makes Eliotsan so mad, he lights a rookie’s foot on fire. The Yankees managers get angry with Eliotsan and they call him into the office and tell him he also sucks.

As punishment, they send him to Japan. Hilarity ensues, because Japanese people are funny and Eliotsan has a culture shock. Take a look at the movie poster. Look at all of the Japanese people doing stupid things on it. They even decided to put a Japanese blowup doll on the poster. You don’t believe The Jon?

Well look right here. The best thing about this is that this is Uchiyamasama. The Japanese manager. His baseball team has talent, but can never get over the hump. But Eliotsan has a solution. He starts sleeping with Uchiyama’s daughter and then gets suspended from the team because he starts a fight during a Japanese baseball game. The owner of the team starts talking about honor and how Eliotsan ruined it as in “He bring dishonor to team!” You know, since Japanese people don’t fight.

So Elitotsan now needs to learn how to be a Japanese ballplayer and become humble because that’s what Japanese people are: Quiet and humble. So Eliotsan gets trained to learn how to hit again by Uchiyama and they become fast friends even with the whole sleeping with the daughter thing.

Eliotsan gets back on the team, but realizes the only way they will win is the Japanese players need to act more American. The Japanese players start to play baseball the American way and they start winning because Americans are better than the Japanese … The Jon guesses.

The end.

Background

This movie was made in the early ’90s when the U.S. was afraid that corporate Japan was going to take over the world. This movie reflects that.

Why this is on the list

Selleck is actually pretty good in this movie. He transforms from a whining Barry Bonds archetype into a player that truly appreciates baseball and his teammates. The training and interaction between Eliotsan and Uchiyama is classic and also takes on a buddy flick genre.

Memorable qoutes:

Jack Eliot: C’mon, it ain’t over till the fat lady sings!
Toshi Yamashita, Jack’s Interpreter: [subtitle as he translates to the team] When the game is over, a fat lady will sing to us!

Some catcher: Shitoh!

Jack Elliot: You got any naked pictures of your wife? Do you want some?

Awkward moment

Remember the manger’s daughter Eliotsan is sleeping with? Well she has this monologue that goes along something like this:

I am not a bat are a ball or something … I am a woman.

Yeah, that, won’t get any Academy Awards.

Duuuthtay’s endorsement … If You Weel!!!!!